Vanessa's dress is by "James Jeans". It is made from organic cotton and dyed with organic vegetable dyes ($192). Her shrug is by Deborah Lindquist, made from 100% repurposed vintage cashmere and handmade in L.A. ($225 greenrohini.com)
Interview: Vanessa Gleason
Vanessa Gleason's Inspiring Journey from Turmoil to Triumph
Photos by Steven James May
Behold Vanessa Gleason, her auburn hair aglow in the sunlight, her face naturally radiant with joy, strength, and pride. Seeing her now, it's hard to imagine the long road she has traveled in her almost 29 years, from a lonely childhood to her first taste of success and independence as a Playboy Playmate, through a shocking attempted assault that left her isolated and afraid to her contented life today, standing tall and confident as she celebrates soul-deep connections to her womanhood, her heritage, and her planet.
As a child, Vanessa found it hard to follow her dreams. Growing up in San Diego, she yearned to be an equestrian and own a stable some day. "I cleaned stalls in exchange for riding lessons," she recalls. Later, she dreamed of going to UC Berkeley.
A natural beauty with hair and skin tones revealing her father's Irish heritage and boldly sculpted facial features expressing her mother's Mexican ancestry, teenaged Vanessa began earning money as a model. Right out of high school, she found her first success as Miss September 1998. "Working for Playboy was a great experience," she says. "They treated me really well, and the work gave me independence and the ability to move to L.A."
Her happy young life ultimately led her to relocate with her fiancé, a musician, to Taos, New Mexico. That's where, on June 20, 2004, things fell apart. While in the local Wal-Mart, Vanessa was stalked by a troubled young man. Feeling uncomfortable, she left the store, and the man followed her to her car and attempted to assault her.
Fortunately, one of the side benefits of Vanessa's independent life in Los Angeles had been six years of self-defense training through the exercise regimen Tae Bo. She fought off her attacker, who was later arrested and tried.
But that didn't bring the incident to an end for Vanessa Gleason. Badly shaken, she began a painful downhill slide. "I'd always been free-spirited, very trusting, very loving," she says. "But I completely changed. I shut down. I didn't trust anybody. I didn't feel safe at all. I had horrible anxiety attacks. My relationship didn't survive. "
The inner turmoil showed outwardly, too. "I stopped wearing makeup and shaved my head. I guess I was trying to completely eliminate anything feminine about myself."
Vanessa moved back to Los Angeles in November 2005, and got a job working at the Tae Bo studio where she'd learned the skills that saved her life. Gradually, she regained some confidence, though she felt a long way from her old self.
Then, on a visit to Knott's Berry Farm in Orange County, she chanced to witness a cultural presentation of traditional Aztec dance led by Xavier Quijas Yxayotl. The rhyth drumming, the ancient dances, the beautiful regalia, the headdresses and jewelry awakened in her a warm spark, a connection to her Mexican heritage she hadn't felt before. Soon Vanessa herself was dancing in a local Aztec group.
"For me, native dancing from Mexico is so healing," she explains. "We honor the earth, the seasons, the elements, and our ancestors. The Aztecs were a matriarchal society, and women are highly venerated. I was able to feel strong and safe about being a woman again, and I began to blossom."
Blossom indeed. Today, she is contentedly engaged to Ruben Ochoa, a Los Angeles middle school teacher who leads the Aztec dance group Mictlanxiuhcoatl in which Vanessa performs. She's returned to modeling, too, but with a newfound sense of self that makes her more radiant than ever.
"I'm part of my community, connected to my heritage," she says. "And through Aztec dance, I've learned to appreciate the natural beauty of women, without twenty-five pounds of makeup and fake eyelashes. I now use all-natural mineral powders.
"A natural woman is the most wonderful thing there is."
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