Vanessa's dress is by "James Jeans". It is made from organic cotton and dyed with organic vegetable dyes ($192). Her shrug is by Deborah Lindquist, made from 100% repurposed vintage cashmere and handmade in L.A. ($225 greenrohini.com)
Interview: Vanessa Gleason
Vanessa Gleason's Inspiring Journey from Turmoil to Triumph
Photos by Steven James May
Behold Vanessa Gleason, her auburn hair aglow in the sunlight, her face naturally radiant with joy, strength, and pride. Seeing her now, it's hard to imagine the long road she has traveled in her almost 29 years, from a lonely childhood to her first taste of success and independence as a Playboy Playmate, through a shocking attempted assault that left her isolated and afraid to her contented life today, standing tall and confident as she celebrates soul-deep connections to her womanhood, her heritage, and her planet.
As a child, Vanessa found it hard to follow her dreams. Growing up in San Diego, she yearned to be an equestrian and own a stable some day. "I cleaned stalls in exchange for riding lessons," she recalls. Later, she dreamed of going to UC Berkeley.
A natural beauty with hair and skin tones revealing her father's Irish heritage and boldly sculpted facial features expressing her mother's Mexican ancestry, teenaged Vanessa began earning money as a model. Right out of high school, she found her first success as Miss September 1998. "Working for Playboy was a great experience," she says. "They treated me really well, and the work gave me independence and the ability to move to L.A."
Her happy young life ultimately led her to relocate with her fiancé, a musician, to Taos, New Mexico. That's where, on June 20, 2004, things fell apart. While in the local Wal-Mart, Vanessa was stalked by a troubled young man. Feeling uncomfortable, she left the store, and the man followed her to her car and attempted to assault her.
Fortunately, one of the side benefits of Vanessa's independent life in Los Angeles had been six years of self-defense training through the exercise regimen Tae Bo. She fought off her attacker, who was later arrested and tried.
But that didn't bring the incident to an end for Vanessa Gleason. Badly shaken, she began a painful downhill slide. "I'd always been free-spirited, very trusting, very loving," she says. "But I completely changed. I shut down. I didn't trust anybody. I didn't feel safe at all. I had horrible anxiety attacks. My relationship didn't survive. "
The inner turmoil showed outwardly, too. "I stopped wearing makeup and shaved my head. I guess I was trying to completely eliminate anything feminine about myself."
Vanessa moved back to Los Angeles in November 2005, and got a job working at the Tae Bo studio where she'd learned the skills that saved her life. Gradually, she regained some confidence, though she felt a long way from her old self.
Then, on a visit to Knott's Berry Farm in Orange County, she chanced to witness a cultural presentation of traditional Aztec dance led by Xavier Quijas Yxayotl. The rhyth drumming, the ancient dances, the beautiful regalia, the headdresses and jewelry awakened in her a warm spark, a connection to her Mexican heritage she hadn't felt before. Soon Vanessa herself was dancing in a local Aztec group.
"For me, native dancing from Mexico is so healing," she explains. "We honor the earth, the seasons, the elements, and our ancestors. The Aztecs were a matriarchal society, and women are highly venerated. I was able to feel strong and safe about being a woman again, and I began to blossom."
Blossom indeed. Today, she is contentedly engaged to Ruben Ochoa, a Los Angeles middle school teacher who leads the Aztec dance group Mictlanxiuhcoatl in which Vanessa performs. She's returned to modeling, too, but with a newfound sense of self that makes her more radiant than ever.
"I'm part of my community, connected to my heritage," she says. "And through Aztec dance, I've learned to appreciate the natural beauty of women, without twenty-five pounds of makeup and fake eyelashes. I now use all-natural mineral powders.
"A natural woman is the most wonderful thing there is."
Nicole's white dress is from Carilin Vaile's green label line and is made of bamboo. She is wearing her own vegan Stella McCartney boots. She purchased her earrings ($90) and necklace ($120) from Green Rohini. They are dried leaves dipped in gold and recycled silver by "Laura Elizabeth".
Interview: Nicole Narain
Tough Yet Vulnerable, Nicole Narain Starts a New Chapter in the Story of Her Life
One Strong Woman
Recently, Nicole Narain and a girlfriend were hiking through one of the rustic canyon trails in the hills that fringe the Los Angeles basin. "We turned a corner," she recalls, her voice still tinged with the awe and fear she felt, "and there was a wolf." The two women froze in their tracks. So did the wolf. "He was probably as scared of us as we were of him," Nicole says with an uneasy laugh. Finally, the animal turned and disappeared into the undergrowth.
"I love nature," Nicole says in summation. "But you just don't know what might be lurking in the bushes."
That incident might well serve as a fitting metaphor for the life of the Playmate, model, and actress. She's lived her 34 years with an adventurous, outgoing spirit, so open to adventure that sometimes, she readily admits, the consequences of her actions have turned out more unnervingly perilous than she expected.
Nicole was born in Chicago to a Guyanese mother and an East Indian father who split when she was little. That may go some way to explaining the fact that she felt rootless as a child. "If you asked me what I wanted to be back then," she says, "I was the girl who couldn't answer that question." She left home at the age of 16, eventually finishing her high school diploma in California, then returning to Chicago. "I was on my own, busy just trying to survive."
Though she may have felt bereft of any real family support, she did inherent one important gift: a natural beauty and grace from her mother, who had been a model back in British Guyana. Nicole herself began modeling in Chicago. Back in 1998, she was discovered by an editor there from Playboy, and began appearing in special issues. That eventually led to her being chosen as Miss January 2002. That success, however, had its own wolf lurking in the undergrowth, the photo session taking place on September 11, 2001. "We were shooting some of the photos in a jet," she recalls, "and needless to say we had to call it quits that day."
The overwhelmingly successful reception of that issue led Nicole to leave Chicago permanently for Los Angeles, where she admittedly reveled in the scene. "I did a lot of partying and socializing, and not a whole lot of honing in on my craft," she says, summing up her first four years on the West Coast. Unfortunately, her celebrity lifestyle quickly led to scandal, too. Her natural beauty drew the attention of Irish actor Colin Farrell, and the two began a passionate relationship that the duo immortalized in a steamy X-rated video that somehow leaked and led to a stressful she-said-he-said legal tussle played out in the media in 2005.
"Every day to this day," says Nicole, struggling to sum up the whole complicated situation, "I still feel the trauma of it. It doesn't go away."
Nonetheless, from those bad times Nicole has since worked mightily to bring only good things into her life. "I've learned from it and moved on," she says. "I got rid of what I had equated with the glamorous life. It wasn't cute anymore. I got rid of a lot of the people who weren't really helping me be a better person. I've learned from it and moved on."
Today, Nicole Narain leads a quieter, more focused life, making the occasional celebrity appearance and developing her skills as an entertainer while allowing herself the time and energy to explore other passions, including photography and painting.
She still enjoys modeling, of course, and her recent sessions for Envi-Image.com show a recently turned-34-year-old Nicole who looks more relaxed, at peace with herself, and beautiful than ever. "And the earthy-friendly clothes and makeup we wore for that shoot were amazing," she says
Perhaps for the first time in her life, too, she's begun to answer the question of who she is and what she wants out of her life. "I've filled nine journals, and right now I really want to concentrate on turning them into an autobiography of my life so far. I've got a story to tell.
"Now," she continues, "I'm ready for the first time in my life to take control, to deal with some difficult issues. I'm a lot tougher than anyone can imagine."
So look for Nicole literally to start a new chapter in her life. "I'm scared, but I'm ready," she says. And this time, any wolves lurking in the undergrowth had better watch out!
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